Twenty Things My Husband Taught Me in 20 Months

I was looking at a Christmas mug sitting on our shoe rack near the front door when I got to thinking. I had filled the mug partially with water and placed in it the nubs leftover from a bundle of green onions I used in my lunchtime omelet concoctions. Now, these green onions are no longer nubs. If I can wait about a week to use green onions again, I will never need to buy them again. Thanks to Dalton and my decision to get married, I've learned more than a few things. Some of these things are profound, but I won't bore you with all of that mushy gush. Most of these things, however, are absolutely practical and essential in everyday living.

OK, I might have exaggerated, but one thing I know is certain: Dalton is a genius.

Here are a few things he has taught me ...

1. Stop buying green onions, they grow back.
2. Put peanut butter on both pieces of bread when packing a PB&J for lunch. This way, the jelly doesn't make the bread soggy.
3. Things like broken toilet handles are easily fixed by making a trip to Home Depot. Buying a new toilet is not necessary.
4. Dishes and clothes don't become cleaner by using more dishwasher soap and laundry detergent.
5. Pairing/folding socks is the most pointless things a person could do.
6. The game of football should be worshiped every Sunday. If you don't have cable, you should go buy a fancy antennae from Best Buy so that football deprivation will not make your life miserable.
7. Put money you don't plan on using in the near future in a CD. You might as well make a few bucks since it's just sitting around.
8. Quoting Bad Lip Reading YouTube videos at any given moment is the funniest things a person could possibly do.
9. It's OK to make little kids who aren't your own feel guilty for being naughty, especially if you are their Sunday school/primary teacher.
10. Getting a Concealed Weapons Permit is one of the smartest things you can do.
11. Driving a golf ball is all about torso rotation. Golf makes people angry, and that's why people keep playing it.
12. Vegetarians/vegans are no fun.
13. You can save a lot of gas by coasting in neutral down every hill.
14. Buying cheap, dented cans from the store is a horrible idea.
15. Matches should always be kept near the toilet.
16. Otter pops and graham crackers are as essential as flour and salt.
17. Proper color coordination will make or break you.
18. Watching/reading the news should be the first thing every person does in the morning.
19. Everything is funnier when you speak in a British accent.
20. If you can't decide between two good things, have both.

Speaking of getting the best of both worlds, I decided to try my luck at Brookies, or Crownies as Dalton and I call them.

I cheated a little bit to speed up the process and used a boxed brownie mix. It's much easier than I thought. Mix the brownie mix in one bowl and a "Blondie" recipe in the other. I added 1/2 c. oatmeal to my Blondie mix. Then I made stripes in a greased 9x13 pan of each batter. I even overlapped some of the batters and they stayed separated. Bake at 350 for about 38 minutes. Delicious!

1 comment:

  1. haha! catherine these made me laugh out loud. numbers 2-6 mimic thing's i've learned in the last year from jordan. i especially resent number 6. :)

    thanks for sharing, and as always, i love reading what you write.