I Can't Settle Down in Utah

I moved to Utah to go to school and meet a dreamy guy that would stick around with me for a while. I just can't stay here. I can't let my kids grow up in a "bubble."

Wait, let's back up really quick. A few years ago, this is what I would have said to you. Now, I am realizing that living in Utah long-term is absolutely in the cards for me, especially because the majority of Dalton's family members live less than an hour from each other and because Dalton is beginning an internship in Ogden this summer. I always imagined that my husband would get a job somewhere across the country, we would have an adventure together and build our life from square one. We would start our own traditions, relative get-togethers would never be taken for granted and we would rely heavily on the bonds in our ward family.

Then I realized my opinion on this matter was based off of the only thing I know: my own childhood.

As a member of the LDS church who didn't grow up in Utah, I always felt like raising kids in Utah would be ineffective. LDS culture in Utah is so dominant, I was sure my kids wouldn't be able to develop a deep understanding of the gospel because they wouldn't be able to exercise their faith in trying circumstances.

Wow, was I ignorant. Obviously, living in Utah doesn't mean you get to escape the trials of life. I've met some of the saddest, most twisted people in "happy valley." The struggles are just different here. At least there appears to be an overall positive outlook toward overcoming these obstacles. 

Then I remembered how incredibly hard it was to be a member of the church in Reno. The people in my social circles had very different views on life and definitely different values. Peer pressure was intense and as a confused tween and teenager, I often sought the acceptance of others. I found a few people who were true friends despite having different religious views, and I will never forget those few.

I remember distinct situations when I couldn't get off the school bus soon enough because "Billy" wouldn't shut up about the number of wives my dad had. He told me I was part of a cult and used rather colorful language to describe the Book of Mormon, temples and the priesthood. I was asked many times if I wore embarrassing underwear. I became very good at ending conversations with "Nothing makes me happier than being a member of the LDS church." Perhaps, one of the most hurtful comments I ever received was from a boy who asked if I was embarrassed by my body. My prom dresses always had sleeves of some kind and I wore tankinis. Had he asked this question sincerely, I would have said no, but he laughed when he asked it.

It's tough for me to swallow the thought of my own kids dealing with this kind of treatment. But it's also tough for me to swallow the thought of my kids taking their faith for granted because they are surrounded by "Mormon Culture" 24/7.

I don't see any glaring differences between members who were raised in Utah and outside of Utah. In fact, some of my greatest childhood role models aren't active anymore. Perhaps, the only difference is that Utah members don't understand just how convenient it is to have your church 100 yards from your house, and how much sleep it saves to attend seminary during the day.

Talking to my mother today--a woman who never liked the thought of living in Utah, I was assured that no matter where LDS children are raised, their successful growth relies on nothing more than what is taught, expressed and enforced inside the walls of the home. 

That being said, I'm letting go. I like the thought of having family present for every milestone. Why wouldn't I want that? Isn't our ultimate goal in life to stick with our families? And why wouldn't I want to be surrounded by the support of those who share my beliefs? Why would I willingly leave these striking mountains?

Well, no matter where the wind takes us, I understand that the outcome of my family's development in the church is on me, not the state I live in. 

No pressure.